I Am Freezing My Eggs
Follow along on my "journey" (kms)
I decided to freeze my eggs near the end of 2024. I’m turning 30 in May. I’m single. It’s January and it’s cold. I was diagnosed with PCOS during my consult (the forever irregular periods and cysts suddenly make sense!) which makes it difficult to conceive naturally. Maybe I want a baby. Maybe I just want a sense of control over something. I’m changing and moreover, my body — an unrelenting mystery to myself and medical doctors worldwide — is changing (aging).
I thought this would be a good opportunity to start a newsletter that I’ve had in mind for a while — “Saturn Returning,” after I wrote a piece for Byline last winter about the reportedly life-altering astrological phenomenon. I plan to use this term as a kind of catchall to talk to people about navigating big changes or transitions. Why not start with myself and this process? Why not try.
As New York-based astrologer Larry Easley Galaxy told me, “Saturn will come through and bang on the walls and rattle the pipes and kind of do a stress test to see are you doing the things you're supposed to do? Are your foundations secure?” I want to be doing the things I’m supposed to be doing, and I so badly want my foundations to be secure, but to be honest, that’s never felt further away.
Another newsletter, I know, bla bla. Who cares. I’m already sick of me, too. I don’t expect people to read it, but if nothing else, it will be a good exercise for me to be less afraid of my writing not being good enough to share with people.
I’m going to try out these first few posts impromptu, diary-style, like Patricia Highsmith when she went to YADDO in May of 1948, where she drank copious martinis, had lengthy discussions about homosexuality, and resented the shit out of Marc, the man who wanted to marry her.
I’ll leave you with this entry, which I wholeheartedly agree with:
6/20/49: There must be violence, to satisfy me, and therefore drama & suspense. These are my principles.
YES JANE
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